Walter’s Guide to Puppy Survival: Rocks, Socks, & Sass

Hey there, Little Peanuts! Walter here. I’m the new puppy on the blog. I’m a Bernese Mountain Dog/Great Pyrenees mix. I am almost 14 weeks old.

I thought I would take this time to introduce myself. Perhaps, you are thinking of bringing home a tiny, furry genius (like me) and have absolutely no idea what you’re doing. (YES! I am pointing my paw at my MOTHER! The Head Peanut) Don’t worry; I’m here to help so you don’t bumble the the first few weeks like she has. (Seriously, it’s like this woman has never had a pet in her LIFE!).

Walter’s Top Survival Pick for a New Puppy

So, between my busy schedule of napping, eating rocks from the yard (this is just fun! It’s like nails on a chalkboard for my Mom. So FUN!) I am also strategically destroying Dad’s shoes, eating a couple baseboards, and chewing Mom’s socks, I am taking the time to put together the ultimate checklist of puppy essentials. There are so many essentials I will be contributing often. (I tell ya, the WOMAN is HOT MESS!!)

Listen Up, This List Is Important.

WE get THIRSTY! How hard is it to BRING WATER???? When we travel BRING WATER!! When we are in the yard. BRING Water! Gesh lady!!

The Thirst is Real: Why My Mom Needs Training

Let’s talk travel bowls shall we? Starting with the car. I love the car! The wind in my ears? 10/10. The constant motion? 10/10. The fact that Mom forgot a travel water bowl for our very first trip in the car? ZERO STARS. I was literally DYING of thirst back there. And then, her “solution”? She cups her hands and offers me teaspoons of water?!?! Really, Mom? I noticed you taking a nice long swig of water! (Mom, absolutely did NOT impress me THAT trip.

All was forgiven when the Amazon guy arrived with my collapsible travel bowl. 2 PACK! I for the glove box. One for my yard duties, hiking, visiting friends.

Let me explain my ‘yard duties.’ I’ve very smartly trained Mom to handle the cleanup. Look, we live in the mountains, but that’s no excuse to leave ‘poo bombs’ everywhere for the Amazon guy to find! It was getting embarrassing for both of us, so now I sit and supervise the process. Mom just mutters things like, ‘one little dog…’ and ‘how is there this much?’ Yeah, she does a lot of muttering, but someone has to keep this place professional.

Can I pause the schedule for a quick Safety Memo? Please, for the love of kibble, only buy high-quality, safe, food-grade products for your pets. We aren’t just animals; we’re your fur-babies—and your most important executives. Quality control starts at the bowl, people!

Quality Control: Why I Turned My Bowl Into a Bed

I decided to give Mom a live demonstration of how the new water bowl works. I mean, really—how long does she expect me to sit and watch her pick up poo? It’s officially B-O-R-I-N-G! I was over it. Since the bowl collapses so easily, I figured I’d just turn it into a lounge chair. It was surprisingly refreshing; I’d give that feature a 10/10.

Stay Tuned: The Great Crate Escape?

I’m officially exhausted from doing Mom’s blog work for the day. A CEO needs his beauty rest! Check out some of my other puppy adventures and tips while I go back to training the Head Peanut.

Don’t wander off too far, though—I have a long list of grievances to share. Next on the agenda? The Crate. Seriously, what was she thinking with this thing? I’m about two seconds away from pulling an ‘Incredible Hulk’ and busting right out of here. Stay tuned for the jailbreak!”