My Perspective On Hospice
If you are new here Friday December 22 my Mom had a massive heart attack. I decided to write about my journey, wait, my Mom’s journey? Well, however we classify it. This is a Hospice story from my point of view.
This post was written on the 28th of December. Day 4. At 3:45 am December 29th my Mom passed away. I had a ‘feeling’ when it was time and that she was slipping away. I stayed by her bed holding her hand and talking to her as she passed away. It was peaceful. Mom is pain free now.
I will continue my string of posts about her care for a few more days, I think.
Hospice has been and WAS the best option for ME and for MY family. Like I said yesterday, before Christmas Day I had no idea what Hospice really meant except maybe a movie version.
Silverado Hospice allowed me to bring Mom home and let her pass at home with the people that love her the most.
The day we brought her home, the 26th of December Mom smiled a real smile. Because of the tubes in her throat before she hadn’t been able to talk. She has since talked for about 2 minutes, real sentences. She knew she fell but was confused about the details. She thought it was her hip, that she broke in August. When we told her she broke her arm this time she said “I DID?!?”
The second time she was coherent I told her she had a heart attack and broken arm. I told her I brought her home on Hospice. She smiled. It’s a small thing but I am (yes, I may be grasping at straws here) but, I am taking that as I made the right move. She always told me not to hook her up to machines. After her hip in August she stated so many times she never wanted to go back to the hospital again. If that is your philosophy WRITE IT DOWN!!! Don’t make your loved ones have to make decisions like this. Cause the GUILT sucks!! I what if myself into tears hourly. What if I left her hooked up to machines and in 6 hours, 6 days or 6 months she DID fully recover?
She still opens her eyes and stares, sometimes there is recognition sometimes not. I constantly talk to her I read the blog as I write. I know she is probably screaming in head “OH WILL YOU JUST BE QUIET so I CAN REST ALREADY!?!?” Ummmm hello? Have we met. I talk. I talk a lot and you my dear Mother are a captive audience.
Hospice provides support. A LOT of support. Lisa our RN actually just called “I’m calling to check on the FAMILY!” Not just my Mom but all of us! I swear that woman makes me cry every time!
So, while Hospice provides support the family has to do some heavy lifting in between the visits. Sponge bath, administer drugs. Seriously?? I’m in charge of Morphine! Did you know that Morphine comes in a liquid that you put in the mouth? I had no idea. Monitoring Moms facial expressions I give her anywhere from 20cc and under . It must just melt in her mouth because there is never any choking or gagging. It takes about 30 minutes for Mom to relax again. So, we are on an every 2 hour dosing right now. Yes, that means setting 2 hour alarms for the night.
After the Morphine comes the LORazempam. It’s a tablet, crush it up add water and then into the syringe. It must taste BAD cause I get a scowl after that one. Then comes the Tylenol for fever. It’s a suppository. Yeah….. ahhhh well, it’s enough to say that after 2 days Mom’s temperature is now down to normal.
The hospital left the catheter in. But the bag needs emptying. Mom needs to be turned even if it’s just every so slightly every 4 hours to keep her from getting bed sores.
I promise I’m not complaining whining. (well, not too much anyway!) I am trying, in my way to explain what Hospice days and nights are like. I am truly counting this as a blessing. I am getting extra time with my Mom without being in an uncomfortable hospital setting. We put the hospital bed next to her bed and I’m sleeping there. With a CAT! A cat that hates me, mind you. She bit me last night, she doesn’t like me in Mom’s bed.
It’s time a nap I think. More tomorrow. Thank you again Peanuts for all the love, support and prayers!
14 Comments
Rebekah
So sorry for your loss. People sometimes don’t realize just how hard it is for caregivers.
Blythe
Oh Connie, I’m so sorry for your loss but happy you had the time with her: Time without tubes, machines, noises that make the hospital so sterile: Hospice is wonderful and will continue to give you support. I will never forget their wonderful care with my dad and me! Keep those special memories in your ❤️ always. Sending lots of hugs!
Nikolina Vukelic
I am so sorry for your loss, but I believe your mom is in a beautiful place now!
Terra Heck
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I appreciate you still being able to post about hospice from a personal point-of-view. I had a lot of guilt and wondered if I was strong enough to take care of my mom when I did. But, I had to let that go. It crushed me to my core. You were with your mom and did all you could. Don’t let anything weigh you down regarding that. Keep focus on what’s ahead and rest in the peace that she was with you when she passed.
Adriane
It’s still too fresh and painful for me to talk about, but I will say – hospice nurses were an absolute blessing in my mom’s last week. For mom. And for me.
Maryann D.
So sorry for the loss of your mom. You were wonderful in taking care of her along with Hospice. I was also there with my mom at the end and held her hand and that thought always brings me comfort and it will for you also.
Sending sympathy.
Tamra Phelps
I’m sorry for your loss, Connie. I am glad you got to bring your Mom home. I know my Mom was not happy hooked up to that ventilator (she made that clear with hand motions & scowls!) She was on it over a week–and the doctors truly tried EVERYTHING to pull her through—but when they told us there was no hope for recovery, we knew we had to take her off the machines. You absolutely made the right choice for your Mom!
Connie Gruning
Thank you Tamra, for your comments it really helps. THANK YOU!!!!!
Kate Sarsfield
I’ve been trying to think of something deep and meaningful to write here but just can’t. All I know is that even though I never met Helen she made me laugh out loud every single day and that is a blessing I shall always be grateful for. Rest in peace.
Connie Gruning
That was the perfect comment. Thank you Kate {{{{{{{{{{{{{Kate}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Nancy
Connie
So sorry for your loss- and prayers for comfort for you & your family at this time. Hospice is a wonderful gift you gave your mother & your family. They are very supportive & it doesn’t end with your mom’s passing. They will be there for a while after- if you take advantage of their services.
My younger sister had a medical issue 9 years ago that she finally succumbed to after 18 months . I had the pleasure of being able to assist my brother in law bring her home for her last days. As a RN who was practicing case management at the time- and had been out of hands on care for many years- I too was nervous about the meds I was asked to administer- but the hospice staff was so supportive. My sister hadn’t been too verbal for most of the previous 18 months- and the only thing she said clearly to me that week we had her at home – was the words “Thank You” when she saw me in her room after they had transferred her to her own bed. It was a tough week but a necessary week for the family- and she gave us the time for all of us to gather to support each other through this. Hospice is a wonderful underutilized service- thank you for sharing your experience so others may know about them. May God Bless you during the coming New Year.
Connie Gruning
Nancy, Thank you. I do feel blessed that I was with Mom and she was home where she was surrounded by family. Each day will get better for us. I thank you so much.
maureen
So sorry for your loss.
Prayers and blessing to you and your family at this time.
It is all so recent for me (as I lost my father two months ago).
As I, you now have angel watching over and protecting you.
Prayers.
Connie Gruning
Maureen I am so sorry for your loss too. I absolutely believe my Mom is right next too me. Thank you for the prayers.