I debated a long time with this post. First, just whether to even write it or not. But, in the almost 8 years I’ve been writing Peanut Butter and Whine, it’s been an ever-changing blog. I’ve always written what was on my mind (ha, or what’s left of it anyway!) and what’s happening in my life.
So, today you get the Cliff Notes version. I explain more, add my thoughts and my new understanding of well……. basically how bad it sucks to get old.
On Friday December 22 at 6:00 pm I went to my Mom’s granny flat at the back of our house to check on her as is my usual routine. I found her on the floor with a vacant stare and her arm horribly mangled behind her head. So still and lifeless I truly believed she was gone. Life CHANGES! In A SPLIT second. I went from wrapping Christmas gifts to directing paramedics in a span of 5 minutes.
Here starts my first episode of guilt. I have no way of knowing how long she had been laying there. Guilt.
From several hours in the ER to being moved into Intensive Care Unit at Tri City Hospital in Oceanside California for two days.
Prognosis: Let’s see. Massive heart-attack. Sepsis. Shattered left arm. The doctors can’t do a an Angiogram Mom wouldn’t make it through the procedure because of the Sepsis. The shattered bones in her arm was the lowest priority, because again, she wouldn’t live through the surgery. The only test they could safely do was a CT scan of the heart which showed damage. A lot of damage. One ventricle not pumping at all. The other barely pumping. Drugs were given, tubes inserted. All to maintain life.
Christmas Eve I had to make the decision about life support. Right here. Right now. If you take any of my advice ever this is the MOST IMPORTANT one!!! Make your advance directive. What YOU want to do if you are ever in the position of maintaining life via machine or be allowed to die. TELL all your family. LET THEM KNOW!! Leaving these things to you children SUCKS!! It’s not fair. So let’s pile on to my guilt. (YEAH YEAH I know…. let’s take my Mom’s condition and make it about me. HEY!! I do see the irony!! But, it’s my whine and I am taking it!!)
Life support was removed on Christmas Eve.
Christmas Day the decision was made to bring Mom home.
I’m writing this the day after Christmas as I sit here watching my Mom sleep and I can’t believe all this happened in 4 days. WHAT THE HELL!??!?!
More soon. Thanks for letting me whine. AGAIN!!