Please Don’t Lick The Minivan! By Leanne Shirtliffe

This year I made a promise to myself I would read more, not as a chore but as a way of reclaiming my identity. Reading has always topped my list of things I do solely for myself, it makes me a better conversationalist, improves my vocabulary (especially with naughty words and concepts I learn from mommy bloggers and satirists) and a nicer person (downtime always makes for a nicer person).

What I noticed earlier this year is that since becoming a mommy, my literary adventures have veered drastically off course. My shelves of macabre true crime, mysteries and sarcastic hilarity of Laurie Notaro and Jenny Lawson have morphed into a colorful carnival of Dr. Seuss, P.D Eastman, Curious George, and Skippyjon Jones and other favorites.

I adore the fact that reading is such a huge part of my daughter’s life. I’m so excited to read her books that my mom used to read to me, most of which I still have. I update my Good Reads account more than Facebook. Our baby shower gifts all came with books; mom sent out square labels to each guest and requested that instead of cards each person bring a copy of their favorite book with an inscription to baby. We had more books than diapers that day and if you have ever been to a newborns house you know what kind of numbers I’m talking about.

But I miss reading for me. I miss reading about places near and far, other people’s trials and tribulations, engaging with funny people in ridiculous circumstances and the cleansing cry only a truly great novel can provide. When Mom asked me to read and review Don’t Lick the Minivan I enthusiastically jumped at the chance. This book fits perfectly into my current reading obsession, the mommy blogs but with one caveat it’s intimidating as shit to write a review of an author that happens to also be an English teacher. As I write this my armpits are sweating and I am panicked about my excessive commas use. It’s irrational but I half expect to receive a copy of my review in the mail with red pen corrections throughout and a big “AVOID COMMA SPLICES” at the top. It’ll be worth it though. As Alice says, “Let’s do this thing!”

It blows my mind how many women in my generation are just like me, truly in the last five books I have read I have thought “I am not alone” at least once a page. Every couple of chapters there would be a paragraph that addressed something that happened to me just that day and I would double over with laughter or horror! Don’t Lick the Minivan: And Other Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Kids is hysterical and so inclusive I’ve found myself putting post-it’s in the book marking especially hysterical stories or sayings that were so similar to my own that I could have sworn I wrote the book.

Leanne Shirtliffe’s gift for writing makes you feel like you’re having a conversation instead of stilted and stuffy essay. I found myself reading as if it were a compilation of emails; I was talking to her on the phone or having cocktails. Her experiences in parenting overseas made me both jealous and grateful that our baby years were so boring and climate controlled. The book is perfectly paced, her writing quick-witted and real – she includes the good and the absolute crazy. She included convenient Parenting Tips that made me laugh out loud, perfect for the extremely lazy or short-timed cliff-note users , example “Parenting Tip: Develop selective listening skills. Practice on your spouse.”

Shirtliffe effortlessly reaches back to the pre-baby years and works her way forward, reminding me of the parts I’ve buried deep, deep, deep down like returning to work and having to deal with overfull breasts bursting like little fire hydrants, long nights of breastfeeding and the desire to make my husband get up and entertain me, how immature I was during our prenatal classes and how I had no idea how we were going to survive that first year.

Don’t Lick the Minivan assures me that its ok not to wash your kid every single day, that kids will put all kinds of weird stuff in their mouths, that all husbands look at us like we are crazy and that at some point we all want to hand our kid to a stranger long enough to pee alone.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and if you have a sense of humor you will too!

This review was written by my daughter Selena; a regular contributor here on Peanut Butter and Whine. To learn more about Selena here.

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Publisher: Sky Pony Press
Author: Leanne Shirtliffe
Publication Date: 05-22-2013
ISBN-10:1620875268
ISBN-13:9781620875261
Number of Pages: 304 Pages
Book Type: Paperback or Digital Download
You can find The Night Before Christmas A Brick Story on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Sky Pony Press and other bookstores.

Shirtliffe is in good company, other recommended readings are:

People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Competitive Crafters, Drop-Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges

by Jen Mann

The Potty Mouth at the Table by Laurie Notaro

Moms Who Drink and Swear: True Tales of Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind by Nicole Knepper

I Heart My Little A-Holes by Karen Alpert

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir by Jenny Lawson

Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office by Jen Lancaster

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